Are all of these things essential or simply optional? It depend on what you are looking for. If the soil in the home does not provide nutrition for your family it will become malnourished and growth will become stunted. Many people then try to make themselves look good on the outside to others but know that real growth on the inside is not going very good. If there is no stability in the home and a storm comes the family can have real problems and have real root system problems or become uprooted. The problem here is that uprooted trees are everywhere but the root system is rarely looked at. You might not even see the real results of a damaged root system until much later in life. Again, if you are only looking at the outside you might occasionally see things that clue you in or you might not. Families in the 21st century are very good at simply “plugging in” or hiding any issues so that things look good on the outside. The problem is that the “rug sweeping” only lasts for so long because the roots will continue to weaken and eventually a storm will come in some form or another and expose the root problems.

I go back again to the ability to communicate because without great communication it’s very hard to monitor the root system properly. Great communication will allow you to know when to prop up a metal bar to allow your family to re-establish some healthy roots. It will also allow you to see when watering is needed and when a bit of shelter is needed to brace for a coming storm.

Encouragement: Imagine that the unseen part of your family system is a root system. Now imagine all the things in our 21st century world that speak to or affect your family (including you) and take an inventory of how healthy or not healthy you think this “ground/soil” is. Is your communication good enough to really know what the system looks like? Form an action item list to get involved in proper care of the root system.

Life has many variables but our bodies have a definite starting and ending point. What makes this race tricky is that we don’t know when it will end. We do know certain variables and we know that when those variables are in place you are in a “phase.” For example, when you have three children you will be busy during a “child rearing” phase that will be quite busy and chaotic at times (with lots of change mixed in). Like the picture at the right, you need to be able to not only recognize the bigger phase you are in but also the “ups and downs” that will occur within that phase.

Although technology and our current culture has changed many things, it hasn’t changed some of the basics associated with many life phases. One of the biggest challenges to parents today is using their time wisely for the stage they are in. For example, understand that when your child is in the “just mobile” phase and really starts to move around you might as well hold your breath for a year or two because it’s going to be crazy! The nice part is that when you know you are in a phase you can relax and know that the pressure will ease up. In the case of the “just mobile” kid you can almost see it getting a bit easier with each month that passes as they get a little bit more independent (and of course ups and downs along the way).

Encouragement: Take a family inventory and try to correctly identify which phase you are currently in. Are you investing your time well for this phase? What could you do better to take advantage of this phase?