21st Century Family

Onionology: The observation and analysis of invisible layers.

People often use the analogy of an onion to describe the simple concept of multiple layers. I’ll jump on that bandwagon a bit now and carry it over into the unseen. Envision if you will multiple “onionesque” layers surrounding a person. A “layer” in this analogy is a barrier of some type…often constructed by those that feel they need protection of some kind. Each of these layer variations has been constructed year after year based on the experiences/learning and situations of that particular person. Some people are wired to push toward being “layer free” and easily strip away layer after layer. Others will rapidly build a new layer at the slightest sign of a problem because it makes them feel safe and secure. To one group a layer might feel like protection while another group might feel smothered. These “layers”, their presence, as well as their construction, are usually not noticed or looked for. However, like the wind, you can see their effects (more on effects in another post). It reminds me of several movies in which something is invisible (a person or bridge/etc) and another person is trying to expose them. In all cases the person trying to “see” will use whatever is necessary (dirt or dust/paint/smoke/etc) to expose/see what they can’t see.

In a family things get super complex because there are generally multiple people (Mom/Dad/kids) and each has his/her own type and quantity of layer/s. When each person then tries to engage another member of the family with conversation they run into a complex maize of barriers they don’t even know exist. As family members communicate it’s like throwing around sand or paint and  slight details begin to emerge (a picture begins to form). If no communication is present, the layers can remain hidden indefinitely. Begin the road to great communication and connecting well with others by simply beginning to communicate more and practice at it (but make sure you communicate primarily with encouragement) and learn to “see” the outlines as they form.