21st Century Family » Personal Productivity

Life Phase Awareness – Keep It Rolling

admin — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:17:11 +0000

In graduate school I once taught a Life Span Development class where different phases of life were broken out and categorized. It was interesting to teach about a phase like the “empty nest” phase which is characterized by the quietness of a house when the last child is gone. Because I did not have any children at the time, it would have been impossible for me to imagine the “wonderful noise” a house of three boys would create in the future. I had no paradigm to “contrast” one setting against another but I learned some great lessons from this type of thinking. I will use a running race analogy, because there are clear cut phases and it’s easy to illustrate. When you run a mile you have “splits” measured when you complete each lap around the track (x4). You have your starting lap, two middle laps, and then the final lap. You don’t run the first lap the same way you would run the last lap and vice-versa. Each race will have new variables (different winds, runners, temp, etc) and may require you to tweak your strategy a bit.

Life has many variables but our bodies have a definite starting and ending point. What makes this race tricky is that we don’t know when it will end. We do know certain variables and we know that when those variables are in place you are in a “phase.” For example, when you have three children you will be busy during a “child rearing” phase that will be quite busy and chaotic at times (with lots of change mixed in). Like the picture at the right, you need to be able to not only recognize the bigger phase you are in but also the “ups and downs” that will occur within that phase.

Although technology and our current culture has changed many things, it hasn’t changed some of the basics associated with many life phases. One of the biggest challenges to parents today is using their time wisely for the stage they are in. For example, understand that when your child is in the “just mobile” phase and really starts to move around you might as well hold your breath for a year or two because it’s going to be crazy! The nice part is that when you know you are in a phase you can relax and know that the pressure will ease up. In the case of the “just mobile” kid you can almost see it getting a bit easier with each month that passes as they get a little bit more independent (and of course ups and downs along the way).

Encouragement: Take a family inventory and try to correctly identify which phase you are currently in. Are you investing your time well for this phase? What could you do better to take advantage of this phase?

First Mile Mentality (The 1st Mile is Tough)

admin — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 16:52:45 +0000

I remember when training in college with a friend (who was a triathlete) and the subject of our 6 or 7 mile run came up. He mentioned in passing that it was common knowledge that the first mile is always the hardest. I was training yesterday and thinking about this and hit the mile to mile and half mark and it got amazingly easier. The “second wind” or whatever phrase you want to pick kicked in and I was on cruise control. The body didn’t hurt as much and settled into a rhythm. However, the first mile was tough. My legs were sore from running the day before and my body felt heavy, my breathing was difficult and it just felt like I was running uphill. The amazing thing was that my mind wanted to find a million reasons to stop and walk during the first mile. Excuses start to pour in: you’re too old for this, still too heavy, should let yourself recover more, just relax a bit and enjoy it, etc, etc. There are so many things in life like this. To heal relationships it takes this same mentality. You make a kind gesture or extend a hand to your spouse or friend that is rejected you want to pull back and quit. You try to get your budget back in line and then get slapped with a medical bill and thank “awe, screw it…we’ll never get caught up….what does it matter anyway.” You start to get back in shape and get hit with an illness or business trip that knocks you off your routine so you just let yourself slide again. There are countless examples of things in life that require the “First Mile Mentality.” Don’t make excuses, suck it up, fight through it and make yourself keep putting one foot in front of the other until you are through that first mile and you start to find a “rhythm” and things begin to ease back a bit. If you get knocked to the ground or you are forced to “restart” at the beginning just expect that the “first mile” will be tough. In healing relationships the “first mile” might be two years long or two months long but the mentality has to be the same……one foot in front of the other!!

Perception of Movement (Fighting Upstream)

admin — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 06:51:06 +0000

Have you ever been stuck at a stoplight with your brakes on and the car in front of you begins to roll back into you. The first thing you do is push harder on the brakes to make sure you are not rolling forward. As I was running today with my boys we noticed a drain in the middle of this lake that appeared to be moving against the waves. The boys were convinced the drain was moving and it really did look like it was “swimming upstream” against the waves. It is interesting watch a solid object that will not budge in the middle of a stream….or a tree in a windstorm that won’t give in. In life there are so many things as we get older that require another level of fight and determination to overcome them. For example, a mother and father may really fight hard to get their house clean so they can relax and then begin on the next “to do” item. The problem is that the rate at which the house is getting “trashed” is almost equal to the rate it was getting cleaned up. The person works their heart out only to realize the room they originally started in is already dirty…..and the cycle begins again. How many areas do we do this with? (diet/weight, spiritual lives, athletic training, etc). When you know there is a current against you the first thing you have to do is even out. You have to get to the point where you are “breaking even” and at least not giving up ground. If it’s your budget you have to stop to bleeding and get to a break even point every month. If it’s weight loss you have to even out your intake and what you’re burning. This step alone can bring people to the point of breaking (quitting) because they feel like they can’t get to the break even point and it becomes depressing. This is where friends/family and close people (team mates) can encourage you and help you keep up the fight to get to the break even point. Once you are holding firm you have a different perspective on the fight/battle and can prepare to launch into the next phase of actual movement “upstream” against the current. I will cover this in other blog posts but being able to actually create movement upstream is an “over and beyond” mentality that most people simply don’t have for one reason or another.

Tyranny of the “Urgent”

admin — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 19:41:21 +0000

“Tyranny: arbitrary or unrestrained exercise of power; despotic abuse of authority”

What is truly “urgent” in your life? Is urgency defined by the moment? Is it defined by circumstance? All of the above? All too often “urgent” circumstances or events dictate our lives and priorities. Instead of being proactive and seeking our priorities and purpose we simply “react” and address the “urgent.” Once this pattern has been repeated (often for years and years) it leads to a life that is often times simply an attempt to “keep our head above water” or “keep up with the Jones’s” rather than a life of purpose and fulfillment. A great way to test your ability to determine what should truly be “urgent” in your life is this. Ask yourself the following question: “In five or ten years I will be so thankful that I invested so much time, energy, etc. into ______” Then do the same thing with retirement age: “When I’m at retirement age and reflecting on what I’ve done to that point I will be so thankful that I invested my time, energy, etc. into ______” The final question is to ask yourself if this is actually what currently motivates and drives you on a day by day basis.

Relational Productivity

admin — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 06:22:05 +0000

Does productivity make you a stiff/wooden family or does it enable you to experience more in life? The first question to ask is, “What is productivity?” To start off with to be productive you have to produce. To measure what one produces you generally try to measure output. For example: “I was able to accomplish 20 tasks today which allowed me to close out two projects and get started on two more” …or: “I got completely caught up on laundry, did the dishes, made the kids lunch, took each kid to their activity / etc / etc.” In general it seems there is a perception that people who are great list makers and “action” people are the most productive. However, this all depends on “what” you are measuring! Highly relational people might not get as many tasks completed because they are “tuned in” to a kids need to communicate about something. This person might stop what they are doing right then and there because they realize the value of the moment. This requires a vision for the unseen. If a kid is hurting inside (unseen) and his/her body language has changed subtly (the only clue you might get) but they are trying to hide it…a quick question might draw out a flood of conversation. The person trying to get through 10 tasks may not notice the subtle changes in body language or take the time to ask the question and listen to the response. Why? …because it will make them feel “less” productive!! The question then becomes, “which way do I want to err?” I know I’ll never be perfectly balanced but I want to err on the side of _____. In my case I know I have to strive for balance but I always want to err on the side of family and relationships. There are so many times that a teachable moment or a sharing moment with a spouse or friend just happens in the middle of “quantity time.” When you are busy it takes being proactive to schedule “quantity time.” How can you increase your “relational productivity?”

Domino Tasks

admin — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 06:24:47 +0000

The begining of each new year represents a “re start” so to speak. We have fresh outlook toward a new year and can put some of the difficult things from the previous year to rest. I always love to look a few years out and then look a few years back at each new years beginning point. One big thing that’s always talked about is fitness. The people that work in the places I work out in always talk about the January rush. Some of these same workers might mention the Jan/Feb rush but they all talk about it like a fast food worker would talk about the “lunch rush”…a bit pain

Dominos

ful but it’ll pass quickly. The one thing I’m doing differently this year is making sure I’m picking some small but effective “domino tasks.” In order to qualify as a “domino task” it has to be something that effects enough different parts of my life that I will committ to making it happen each and every day. An example of this is physical fitness because it affects everything from self esteem to stress relief to entertainment…all rolled into one. It’s amazing just how many things can be affected!