Onionology: The observation and analysis of invisible layers.

People often use the analogy of an onion to describe the simple concept of multiple layers. I’ll jump on that bandwagon a bit now and carry it over into the unseen. Envision if you will multiple “onionesque” layers surrounding a person. A “layer” in this analogy is a barrier of some type…often constructed by those that feel they need protection of some kind. Each of these layer variations has been constructed year after year based on the experiences/learning and situations of that particular person. Some people are wired to push toward being “layer free” and easily strip away layer after layer. Others will rapidly build a new layer at the slightest sign of a problem because it makes them feel safe and secure. To one group a layer might feel like protection while another group might feel smothered. These “layers”, their presence, as well as their construction, are usually not noticed or looked for. However, like the wind, you can see their effects (more on effects in another post). It reminds me of several movies in which something is invisible (a person or bridge/etc) and another person is trying to expose them. In all cases the person trying to “see” will use whatever is necessary (dirt or dust/paint/smoke/etc) to expose/see what they can’t see.

In a family things get super complex because there are generally multiple people (Mom/Dad/kids) and each has his/her own type and quantity of layer/s. When each person then tries to engage another member of the family with conversation they run into a complex maize of barriers they don’t even know exist. As family members communicate it’s like throwing around sand or paint and  slight details begin to emerge (a picture begins to form). If no communication is present, the layers can remain hidden indefinitely. Begin the road to great communication and connecting well with others by simply beginning to communicate more and practice at it (but make sure you communicate primarily with encouragement) and learn to “see” the outlines as they form.

I find it amazing that two people looking at the exact same thing can have totally different perspectives. The old glass is half full analogy is perfect. If the glass is exactly filled to the half way mark, one person will see it as half full while another half empty. In our families this is extremely important. Parents get really upset about grades and sports performance until their child is in an accident or falls very ill. At that point the perspective shifts quickly to health being the only really important thing. What’s amazing is that what was an incredibly important issue the day before is no longer important at all. However, what is even more amazing is that after the health or emergency has faded the perspective shifts back to being worried about same unimportant things you were concerned about before the accident or illness. It’s pretty amazing because a perspective can actually shift back and forth quite quickly at times.

What are we teaching our kids about perspective? How do we teach them to see the glass is half full? For starters we know that kids learn from watching their parents so we have to look in the mirror at our own perspectives. Do we consistently see the positive in situations or the negative? If it’s negative, then we have to ask “why?” and would another “positive” person see the exact same situation in a positive light? I’m obviously wading into a complex issue with many layers but my encouragement today is to at least begin the journey and begin to really take the time to look at how you view things from several different “lenses” and start to make the choice to “shift” your perspective to the positive side. Don’t wait for an accident or illness to shift it for you!