21st Century Family

I remember as a young boy watching the Wizard of Oz for the first time and being shocked when I finally got to see the “Wizard.” I think at that point and time in both my life, and within history in general, special effects were neither elaborate nor really well known. When all the lighting and sound and “effects” were finally exposed for what they were it was shocking. There behind the curtain sat an old guy on a stool pulling levers and switches. How many times do you hear about people in the most serious relationships  (husband-wife/father-mother/son-daughter/etc) where one individual finds out the shocking truth about what was “behind the curtain” of a loved one. It reminds me of an auditor I once knew that described how almost all of the people he busted for high level financial crimes started small. It would start with something little like hiding a small financial loss in an unknown account. Then they realized they did not get caught so the next time another loss came around they would hide it and hide it and hide it…until they finally get caught. I think this is a huge problem for dads because all dads have to have a business/work face. The reason for this is simple: no matter how bad things are at home you are generally expected to perform at work to get your pay check. I think many young men have certain good intentions as they start out trying to be a good dad and certain things happen in life and they begin the “disconnect.” Of course there are different degrees of “connectedness” and the patterns of putting up a “curtain” may come and go depending on the season of life and the many variables contained within.

However, this post is about recognizing our own particular barriers (whatever they may be) and then fighting to tear them down so that we are “there” and engaged in our family relationships. I know many moms and dads who played high level athletics or achieved high education levels in college and certainly understand attention to detail from an athletic/academic perspective. To get to the highest level of any sport or course of study you have to pay attention to the fine details. The same is true of relationships and the subtle details are often what defines the difference between a “great/average/or poor” relationship.

The little detail I’m outlining today is the battle to be engaged in the moment. We need to make sure we take down any “curtain,” remove any busy, general life related distractions and engage the moment. This might include cell phones or thoughts about laundry but the fact is that it’s super easy to be distracted in the 21st century. It’s amazing how well loved ones can pick up even the most subtle distractions.

Encouragement: Consciously think about engaging moments with your loved ones with no distractions. Take a quick mental inventory of what’s behind your “curtain” and what needs to change so you can fully engage your loved ones. Fight hard to make sure you are not distracted when spending time with them and make the most of every moment.