21st Century Family

At what point does truth become a half-truth and at what point does a lie become a half-lie? Is there such a thing as a half-lie? If it’s one percent lie…do you call it a lie? I had to take about 45 min to earnestly discuss an issue that occured between two of our boys. Their mom witnessed one of them put his hand on the smaller brothers head and shove it away….hmmmm. Seems pretty straight forward to all people witnessing the event and everyone except the perp/offender. It was very, very interesting for me to dig my heals in and prepare to strip this scene down to a bare truth. Fortunately I knew I had witnesses (my wife) and felt like it would be a good teaching opportunity for my boy. After wrangling around a bit to get his side of the story it came out like this: ” I accidentally brushed his head as I was turning around”  Witness: “your entire hand was on his head” Hmmmm….Next try: “I did put my hand on his head but it was totally accidental to shove forward” Hmmmm…Witness: “it looked like you intentionally pushed his head back.”  OK, let’s break this down to the facts: “Did you or did you not place your hand on his head…yes or no.” Defendant: “Yes”  OK, now we’re getting somewhere. Can you agree that putting your hand on his head was not necessary and wrong…..after lots of additional back and forth and discussion it became very apparent that he had fully convinced himself that he was not wrong at all. Only by sticking to the “truth” …in this case the “truth” was that he did in fact put his hand on his little brothers head and it was unecessary and wrong. By bringing in additional variables or adding on to the base truth he was able to convince himself what he did was right. He could look you in the eye and lie without problem by focusing on the “truth” in his mind. A “half truth” is generally used to describe something that contains some element of truth. Hmmmm….at what point does the scale begin to tip one way or the other…slightly toward being a “lie” or slightly toward being a “truth”…is it 51/49 either way…do you then call it a “lie” or “truth.” Some people might even say that there is no “truth” because truth is defined by perception (I personally think this position is very simplistic/shortsighted) . Many of the most effective lies are half truths that contain mostly truth and then slightly distort that truth for one reason or another….making it much more difficult to spot/expose. In the example above I dug in around a truth that he was not able to deny (his hand was on the head) we then had an anchor point to work from and expose or work through other variables surrounding that truth. No matter what was discussed from that point forward it did not change the original “truth” about that situation. The problem with a half truth is that jails, rehabs, and cemeteries are full of people that learn to alter basic truths by building supporting evidence on top of that truth and creating a “lie.” Even when caught many of these people are still completely and utterly convinced they are right and everyone else is wrong. What half – truths might you be clinging to that are affecting your family??