21st Century Family

In graduate school I once taught a Life Span Development class where different phases of life were broken out and categorized. It was interesting to teach about a phase like the “empty nest” phase which is characterized by the quietness of a house when the last child is gone. Because I did not have any children at the time, it would have been impossible for me to imagine the “wonderful noise” a house of three boys would create in the future. I had no paradigm to “contrast” one setting against another but I learned some great lessons from this type of thinking. I will use a running race analogy, because there are clear cut phases and it’s easy to illustrate. When you run a mile you have “splits” measured when you complete each lap around the track (x4). You have your starting lap, two middle laps, and then the final lap. You don’t run the first lap the same way you would run the last lap and vice-versa. Each race will have new variables (different winds, runners, temp, etc) and may require you to tweak your strategy a bit.

Life has many variables but our bodies have a definite starting and ending point. What makes this race tricky is that we don’t know when it will end. We do know certain variables and we know that when those variables are in place you are in a “phase.” For example, when you have three children you will be busy during a “child rearing” phase that will be quite busy and chaotic at times (with lots of change mixed in). Like the picture at the right, you need to be able to not only recognize the bigger phase you are in but also the “ups and downs” that will occur within that phase.

Although technology and our current culture has changed many things, it hasn’t changed some of the basics associated with many life phases. One of the biggest challenges to parents today is using their time wisely for the stage they are in. For example, understand that when your child is in the “just mobile” phase and really starts to move around you might as well hold your breath for a year or two because it’s going to be crazy! The nice part is that when you know you are in a phase you can relax and know that the pressure will ease up. In the case of the “just mobile” kid you can almost see it getting a bit easier with each month that passes as they get a little bit more independent (and of course ups and downs along the way).

Encouragement: Take a family inventory and try to correctly identify which phase you are currently in. Are you investing your time well for this phase? What could you do better to take advantage of this phase?